Hello Again

Well blogger world, I am back in America and I am back blogging. I know I have been gone for awhile and boy do I have a lot to share with you. I have been back in America for about a month and I already have a new car and a full time job. I honestly think that I haven't had time to process everything, but all in all I am doing really well. I am adjusting fairly well to being back in America, which I honestly think is probably because I have been going non stop. I mean I have been trying so hard not to think about Uganda because I am afraid of what I am going to begin to feel.

Here is a very quick update about my life for those of you who have been following my journey. I am officially an RPCV (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer) living back in America. I am working at STAR again as an after school teacher but it is now full time because STAR is incredible. I truly have missed that company and it is so good to be back. I am also trying to make new friends because well because I need some new ones.

Everyone keeps asking me if I am glad to be back and the short answer is yes I am. My time in Uganda needed to end, as hard as this is to say, I needed to move on from Uganda. Now let me be clear, I love Uganda, it will always be home to me, it will always have a piece of my heart but my last month or so was absolute hell. I wasn't sure if I was going to share this on my blog but it really has shaped me and I want to get it out.

On the weekend of January 7th, I was staying in my favorite hostel in my favorite town in Uganda. This hostel over looks the Nile and I can't even count how many time I stayed there. Well January 7th was my last time because I could not work up enough courage to find my way back.That weekend I took a weekend away from my site to say goodbye to a good friend before we COS'd (Closed Our Service). I stayed an extra night because I needed to head into Kampala for a med appointment (nothing serious I just got new birth control). Well it was about 2am and I was on the phone with a friend from home and I started hearing weird noises so I started to get a little scared. I'm an anxious person so I push the bunk bed against the door lay down and continue talking to my friend. All of a sudden someone is banging on the door to the room next to mine. Soon enough they were at my door. My adrenaline kicked in and as they are trying to get in I'm pushing the bed back into the door so they couldn't. Well eventually they decided they'd go through the window so they start cutting the wire on the window. I fought back because I'm thinking there is two guys and that they'd eventually keep going. Turns out there were 7 or 8 with machetes and crow bars and bolt cutters. So I backed off and started giving what they wanted. Well since I tried to fight back they started punching me in the face and yelling at me to sit down. I do as they ask and sit down and let them rummage through my stuff and take what they want. One of the guys threatened to fuck me and honestly I thought he was going to. He'd hover above me to make sure I knew he could. Eventually they leave and move on. The couple that was staying in the room next to me came to see how I was and I quickly attached myself to them in order to feel safe. The men came back a few more times trying to get keys to a car that none of us had. After about an hour they left. They had ransacked 8 or so rooms five actually having people in them and the front office and the bar. Eventually the police came shooting (we didn't know it was the police so we thought we were about to die) to make sure that we were safe. After that it was over and we just waited to make statements and try to move on and heal. There was one other PCV also staying in the hostel so eventually we were picked up by a PC driver and safety and security and be taken into Kampala to begin to unpack all that we just went through. 

I want to be very clear this is in no way a reflection on Uganda. It was an isolated incident that just so happened to be here. This could have happened anywhere in the world and sadly it happens in so many places. We are all alive and that's all that matters. I tell you this just to be open and transparent. And to share with you how I am still healing and how this made going home a little bit easier. I stayed in country until my original leave date and my dad still visited. This is because Uganda is still one of my favorite places and this didn't change it. 

I do want to be honest with you about what I am going though now, but before I do that I want to tell you I still wholeheartedly love Uganda and the home and friends I created there. Here's the hard truth though. I was so scared my remaining month in Uganda. I lived alone and I was scared I barely slept most nights. I could and still can at times feel the punches, smell the men, feel the bed thrusting into my body, and hear the guys voice when he threatened to fuck me because he thought it was so funny because he knew he could do it and he saw that I knew that. I am not telling you all this for you to feel sorry for me. I want you to see how strong and resilient myself and my fellow PCVs can be. There are many of us who face such things and sometimes worse things and we handle it with grace and resilience. Some of us stay and some of us go home either way we do what is best for us and that makes us resilient and strong. I'm not letting this define my service so I don't want you to let it define my service in your mind. 

I am going to go through therapy to process all of this since I really am still scared and can see so much of that night. Talking about it is getting easier each day. Please don't hesitate to ask me questions I will always do my best to answer them.