Something that I have been
learning recently is that you grow the most after going through something hard.
Instead of taking my time and going through all the hard shit that has happened
to me I am going to instead reflect on the positive growth that I have seen in
me within the last nineteen months that I have been serving here in Uganda with
the Peace Corps. I honestly think that it is very important to take time and
reflect when you are going through such an adventure as this as much as you
can. This being said today I am taking time to reflect how I have grown.
I have been really lonely lately
because of recent things that have been happening. I was having a crisis over
it because I don’t really like to be alone much. However, now I look at it and
realize how truly independent I have become. I am slowly realizing that I am
actually quite comfortable in my aloneness. I love living on my own, it gives
me the time to read more, write more, and to reflect about life when I need to
the most. Through my independence I am now comfortable traveling and navigating
new places alone. I love going to meals, movies, and coffee shops alone and
trying new things. Now, I am not enough of an introvert to be able to
constantly be this independent. I do still love being with friends and meeting
new people in order to go on adventures, chat about life, and create lasting
memories. I just have become comfortable on my own and do not need people
around me to enjoy my day. This is a big thing for me because I have never been
good on my own. I will admit that my loneliness still does get to me at times
and I crumble in my aloneness, but I will stop there because I don’t want to
dwell on my struggles.
Along with beginning to become
more independent I have also been able to start focusing on myself and my
self-care in order to take care of me so that I can teach and continue to
invest in my community. If I am not full than I cannot be any good to other
people. With my anxiety I struggle putting myself sometimes. I want to put everyone
first but sometimes I have to say no I need to stay in and color, or write, or
paint, or read, or just watch TV for hours to escape from my anxiety, my fear,
and forget about my loneness just for a while in order to invest more into
others. I guess you can kind of tie this to becoming more independent but I
honestly think that it is more than just that. It Is becoming strong enough to
say I need to take care of me today so I can continue to do my job adequately.
Honestly, you are nothing to others if you don’t take care of yourself first.
It took moving to Uganda and going through hell with relationship issues,
health problem, and just navigating a new community.
The last thing that I have
realized that I have grown in is that I am a lot braver then I have ever been.
I no longer say no to things out of fear instead I say yes and choose
excitement and joy instead of fear. I have always been afraid to travel to new
places on my own. And now I am currently planning an extended COS trip by
myself to places around Africa and this is a big thing for me. I need to be
okay with going to places alone because we are not guaranteed people to travel
with us. Because of this I know get to see more of the world through solo
travel. I will leave Uganda stronger, braver, more independent, and hopefully
kinder as I continue to travel the world and move on to my next step in life
which I will talk to you about on my next blog.
Talk to you soon lovelies. Thank
you for following along on my journey. As always ask me any questions and tell
me what you’d like to hear from me about my remaining months in Uganda.
Comments
Post a Comment