I have always been so bad about updating my blog and being a consistent writer. I will try to be better. As you all know by now I am living back home working at STAR again. I am doing what I can to integrate back into living in America as well as dealing with my trauma and the PTSD that it caused while I was still living in Uganda. That is what I really want to talk about today is dealing with trauma and how to get past it or at least just become better with it.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: is a trauma and stress-related disorder that may develop after exposure to an event or ordeal in which death or severe physical harm occurred or was threatened. People who suffer from the disorder include military troops, rescue workers, and survivors of shootings, bombings, violence, and rape. Family members of victims can develop the disorder as well through vicarious trauma.
I know what you are all probably thinking, why in the world is she telling us what PTSD is we all know. However, I really don't think everyone truly knows what the definition is and I just wanted to put it out there. I have been doing PTSD research for several reasons; to understand better of what I have, to be able to help others that may have it by writing this blog, and to try and shine the light on something that I believe is over looked by so many.
First of all over 8 million Americans experience PTSD, that is just in America guys, who knows how many others through out the world experience PTSD as well as how many people just go undiagnosed and are probably in denial about having it. I say that from experience. About three weeks after my incident I was texting my best friends talking about everything and she goes you have PTSD and I was like "nah, I am totally fine..." I knew I wasn't fine, everyone did I just didn't want to admit that I was having PTSD but I was replaying the incident over and over, I was barely sleeping and I was terrified that it was going to happen again. I honestly still am. I am suspicious of everyone and everything. It's been an interesting recovery. For a second, I think I am fine and then a loud noise happens, or the door jiggles, or someone walks too close behind me and I am back to that night worrying about someone coming and attacking me again. I just want to say that it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to struggle. What is not okay is, is not doing anything about it. Not trying to figure out how to move past the trauma and get better for yourself. Another thing don't do this for anyone but yourself. Here are five things that I do to help with my PTSD and how I have been moving past it.
1. Talk to people about it.
I suggest talking to a counselor, but talking to friends and family about everything is also good. I am still in the middle of finding a counselor and until than I talk to my mentor, my boyfriend, my best friends, my dad, and my mom. When I am struggling the most I reach out to them and I tell them what is happening. I believe that talking about it allows you to recognize that something is wrong and you can get advice on how to continue with moving past everything. I also believe that when you vocalize things it becomes more real and once it begins more real you can move past it easier. Honestly, the best thing you can do is find your people and lean on them. I don't think you should let them heal you but let them help. I would be no where with out my people.
2. Remind yourself that you are safe.
I know for me a huge part of my problem is that I just constantly feel unsafe. I feel like I am in danger and that is when I start to panic and have the most anxiety. When I remind myself that I am safe and I finally actually believe it I feel SO much better. You just have to learn to trust yourself and your surroundings. I know that can be difficult I struggle with it daily but you can get there just tell yourself your safe, because I promise you that you are or you will be soon.
3. List things you can feel, smell, see, and hear.
A lot of my PTSD is having flashback of that night and getting lost in them so I start to feel like it is going to happen again. Something, that I do is begin to list five things I can feel, smell, see, and hear. This allows you to focus on reality instead of your flashbacks. It allows you to begin to remind yourself that you are safe and you are not in those bad moments again. I will admit that it doesn't always work. You really have to allow yourself to focus to let it work.
4. Take a shower or bath.
This one might sound a little odd but it really helps me. In my most anxious moments I just turn on music and go take a shower and I loose myself in the shower and I allow myself to begin to heal and get out of my head and stop thinking about my trauma. This is what I have seen that honestly works the quickest for me but it's because it is something that I have been doing since I was a younger girl battling with anxiety.
5. Utilize self care regularly.
Choose yourself. Don't let yourself feel selfish for putting yourself first. If you like to color take time each day to color. If reading allows you to feel better read a little each day. Or drink a class of wine. Or maybe for you it's going on a walk or run or hanging out with your friends or family. Whatever it is make sure that you do it as much as possible. You cannot support anyone else if you first don't care for yourself. Love yourself first. I promise things will get better from there.
I am no expert. I am just sharing with you what works for me and these things work for me. If you have some other things that you do that you think I should know about always let me know. As always thanks for reading and following me. I love you all so damn much for being here to support me in this time.
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